Choosing a dildo...everything you wanted to know but were too afraid to ask
Above: Echo dildos by Tantus Silicone
What exactly is a dildo (compared to a vibrator) and how to choose one?
Dildos are nothing new and have been around since ancient times and used by both men and women for sexual pleasure.
Choosing a dildo is entirely personal, there is no “right” or “wrong”, only what is safe and what works for you. It’s also worth remembering that our tastes and desires change according to our moods and even your favourite dildo may not do the trick on a particular occasion. Ideally you may want to collect a “pleasure box” of dildos to cater for when you want something soft and flexible or when you are in the mood for something more solid that can be chilled or warmed or something so share with your partner- male or female.
Put very simply a dildo is any object that can be used for penetration. Some definitions say that they “represent” or stand in for a penis, but we, given the multitude of attitudes towards them and the huge variety of non-representational dildos (ie they don’t look like penises) out there, think that this is a bit of a narrow definition. Essentially we see dildos as items that can be used for penetration of whichever orifice you choose to use them in (vaginal, anal or oral) that do not twist, shake, rattle, rock or roll of their own accord. In other words they are not “self-powered”.
Dildos range broadly in shape and size and can be “realistic” or “unrealistic” with artistic modern and abstract styles. They can be smooth or nobly or have twists, bumps or ridges and be multi-coloured or plain and made from a huge variety of materials including silicone, acrylics, jelly’s (see toxic toys for more info on this material) or glass.
Why use a dildo?
While many of us may not actually want a penis inside us dildos provide a feeling of fullness and thrusting that can be very satisfying. They can be used vaginally, anally and orally and either strapped into a harness or held in ones hand or if double headed into your partner. Use a dildo to pull in and out, tease yourself with (try teasing your clit with it for a while like when using one of our Pout magic wands) and played with an any number of ways, limited only by your imagination and consideration for safety. As with all sex toys, choosing a dildo is entirely personal. There is no right or wrong way to use or enjoy them.
How long and how thick should my dildo be?
The first criteria when choosing a dildo should be width rather than length because you can use only a section of longer dildo and still enjoy it plus have some additional area to grip but if the width is too wide or too narrow your enjoyment is likely to be compromised. It’s best to think about what you like, measure a penis or carrot or something similar for an idea of size and if in doubt start narrower and work your way up towards something thicker. Our Tantus range of dildos caters for a large variety so size preferences both in width and length
Types of dildos
Angled to hit your G-spot:
These are designed with just the right curves to help you hit the GGGGG spot quickly and effectively. They are popular with for solo and couple use.
Below: Gee-oh-Gee from Downunder products
Realistic
“Realistic” dildos are shaped, sized and coloured to match a real penis and have been described as “a fill-in penis without the body attached”. They sometimes even include balls and are made from various materials that are designed to resemble skin and all the attributes of a penis down to the finest details including ribbing and veins and squeezable balls. Sometimes they are actually cast from a famous porn star’s well- endowed anatomy. Similar to your average erect penis they are rigid but still flexible with the exterior surface sometimes able to move and wrinkle just like skin. Look out for CyberskinTM.
Abstract dildos (those that don’t resemble a penis…too closely)
If you aren’t into a dildo which looks too much like a penis, several are to choose from with various curves and accessories.
Below: Sherbert Dildos by Tantus Silicone
What your dildo is made of can make a tremendous difference:
Glass and Acrylic
Glass is very slick and smooth and absorb little or no fluid and can often look like pieces of modern art. Glass dildo’s are usually hand crafted from super-strong Pyrex Tm. Women with vaginal sensitivities and reproductive disorders report that glass is one of the few sex toy materials they can use, due to its completely non-irritating surface and smooth feel.
Acrylic can provide an option that looks like glass and which can be similarly sterilised. Check out Pout toys’ clear wands.
Silicone
Silicone is and ideal material for a dildo because it's just the right firmness, holds heat, and generally feels more organic than other materials. It's non-toxic and very durable, meaning it won't degrade over time. You can boil silicone to sterilize it, which is also a plus. Tantus, Downunder and FunFactory products are all made out of silicone.
Hard plastic: These are generally the most commonly available from adult stores and the kind that you see in porno movies. While hard plastic is not very absorbant they are not pliable, soft or realistic (if that’s what you are going for)
Latex: Doesn’t last as long as other material but it cheaper and commonly available (though not at Whet). People who suffer from Latex allergies and should avoid latex.
Strap- ons:
These are basically designed for use with a harness. While the image that probably springs to mind is that of a strap on being used by two women but strap ons can be fun for everyone.
A strap on is basically a sex-toy combo that includes a dildo attached to a harness and worn around the waist, hips or thigh. The harness has a triangular shaped front piece that sits over a woman’s vulva or a man’s penis and the front piece has an opening or O-ring through which you can slip a dildo which needs to have a flared, flat-bottomed base. In the case of woman this gives her a “tool” with which to penetrate her partner (male or female) and in the case of men provides and extra penis right below his own. If you enjoy deeper penetration the length of your dill is just as important, After all, you always can thrust a bit less than a full length, but it will be impossible to reach further with a short dildo.
The insertable length of a dildo is measured from the tip to a bend or beyond which the dildo cannot enter you vagina. Remember that if you plan to use your dildo in a harness the insertable length is reduced by about 2 cm’s and unlike holding a dildo in your hand you will have much less control over the depth of thrusting and should make sure that the dildo does not touch the cervix which many woman find to be uncomfortable
For more information about who uses strap-ons and how to use them see our section on “Stap-ons.” and our Dildo FAQ page
Above: Bend-over beginner's kit from Tantus Silicone
Double-headed:
These are useful when you both want to experience penetration at the same time. Some double- headed dildos have a “C” shape for double penetration on one person or shared between two people vaginally and or anally. Newer versions of this concept include the very ingeniously designed FeeldoeTM (see below). Having strong Kegel muscles is a distinct advantage when using a double header.
Anal dildos:
Whether you choose a thick bumpy dildo or sleek and slim one make sure you look for one that will not get lost inside the rectum. All anal toys should have a flared base to avoid it slipping all the way inside and necessitating a rather embarrassing trip to the local clinic. Anal dildos (also known as butt plugs) are generally smaller than other dildos.
They are shaped to stimulate the prostate in males or offer various shapes, sizes and textures to provide just the righ stimulation for the user. While the many taboos around anal sex are still deeply entrenched in our culture, many more people are “opening up” to the extensive range of pleasures that the sensitive nerve ending around the anal area offer.
To find out more read our section on anal play. Also remember to always use LOTS of lubricant for anal play as the tissue is particularly soft and sensitive.